Most teams do not roll their eyes at feedback because they hate growth. They roll their eyes because the conversation feels vague, late, or disconnected from the work they actually do. That is a culture problem, not a motivation problem.
Performance conversations set the tone for how work gets done here. When they are handled well, people know what good looks like, they know how they are doing against that picture, and they leave the room with energy to move forward. When they are handled poorly, people guess, stall, or disengage.
You do not need a two hour summit to get this right. You need a rhythm and a few simple habits that your managers actually use.
What a performance conversation is (and is not)
It is not a yearly review.
It is not a lecture.
It is not a scramble to remember what happened three months ago.
A performance conversation is a structured check in where two things happen. First, you align on outcomes and standards. Second, you agree on next steps and support. The tone is direct and respectful. The goal is progress, not perfection.
By the end of a performance conversation, your employee should be able to answer three questions with confidence:
- What does success look like right now?
- How am I tracking against that picture?
- What are my next steps, and what support will I get?
If they can answer these clearly, the conversation has done its job.
Why people roll their eyes at performance talks
From hundreds of conversations with managers and employees, these are the five reasons we see most often.
- Vague expectations. People hear effort words like ‘be proactive’ instead of concrete outcomes. If this sounds familiar, you might like our piece on how to create clarity at work
- Timing is off. Praise or course correction arrives weeks after the moment that mattered.
- One way monologues. The leader talks. The employee nods. Nothing changes.
- Same playbook for everyone. Some folks need detail. Others need space. Everyone gets the same script.
- No follow through. Notes disappear. Commitments fade. Trust takes a hit.
Each of these is fixable with a simple cadence and a few repeatable tools.
A practical cadence that actually fits the job
Think light touch, high frequency. Here’s an example cadence that works well for busy managers:
Weekly ten minutes. What is the plan for this week, what could get in the way, where do you need me?
Monthly thirty minutes. How did the work land, what did you learn, where do we adjust targets or support?
Quarterly sixty minutes. What impact have you had, where are you growing, what is next for your role?
You can run this rhythm with a notebook and a calendar. The power is in the consistency.
Before the conversation: a one page prep
Bring a single page. Keep it simple.
- Outcomes: list the two or three most important results for the period.
- Evidence: a few concrete examples, numbers, or artifacts.
- What is working: one specific behaviour to keep.
- What needs to shift: one specific behaviour to change.
- Ask: one clear request from you, and one ask for support from them.
Share it in advance when you can. You are not trying to surprise anyone. You are trying to think together.
During the conversation: questions that unlock progress
Use questions that create clarity, not defensiveness.
- What does good look like here, in your words?
- Where did the work go well? What made that possible?
- Where did we lose momentum? What was in the way?
- What will you do differently this week? What do you need from me?
- What will tell us this is working?
Keep your answers short. Name the standard. Name the gap. Name the support. Then move to action.
After the conversation: follow through that builds trust
In a five minute wrap up, agree on how you’ll track progress together. Whether it’s a shared document, a quick weekly check-in, or a visible metric, make the process transparent.
What matters most is that you follow through on the support you promised. That reliability builds more trust than any dashboard.
Send a short note with the decisions and next steps. Put the next check in on the calendar.
People do not need fancy dashboards to trust you. They need to see that your word is reliable.
Adapting your style so the message actually lands
Two employees can do the same job and need different kinds of support to perform well. That is not a luxury. It is good management.
Everything DiSC Management is one tool we use to help leaders read preferences and adapt. A few examples.
- A colleague who likes quick decisions may want the bottom line first, then a short discussion, then action.
- A colleague who values accuracy may want context, risks, and time to prepare.
- A colleague who is people focused may want to talk impact on customers or teammates.
- A colleague who enjoys pace and variety may want a clear target and freedom to try a new route.
You can still hold the same standard for everyone. You simply reach that standard in a way that fits how they work best.
Scripts you can borrow and make your own
hort prompts can help managers build a new rhythm. The key is to keep them open enough for dialogue, while still offering clarity. Try these:
- Name the standard together: “Let’s define what success looks like by Friday. Here’s what I need to see — how do you see us getting there?”
- Acknowledge progress: “I noticed A and B went really well. What helped make that possible?”
- Explore the gap: “Here’s where we fell short. What got in the way?”
- Co-create next steps: “What’s your plan for moving this forward, and what support would help?”
- Close with clarity: “So by Tuesday, you’ll have the draft ready to review. I’ll bring the template we agreed on.”
Keep it specific, clear and respectful. Coaching doesn’t mean being vague, it means creating clarity and space for ownership. For more on this, see our blog on how to give constructive feedback that builds trust
Troubleshooting common situations
The defensive response.
Slow the pace and show you’re listening. “I hear you’re worried the target changed late. Here’s what won’t change. Here’s where we can flex. How do you think we can move forward?”
The agreeable nod without action.
Invite them to outline their approach: “How are you planning to move this forward?” Then agree together on one milestone within the week and make it visible.
The conversation that drifts to effort.
Anchor on outcomes without dismissing effort. “I see the work you’ve put in and it matters. Let’s also look at the result we’re aiming for. What might help us get there next time?”
When the relationship feels strained.
Reset the working agreement. “Here’s what you can count on from me. Here’s what I need from you. What would help us work better together?”
How this work shapes culture
Culture is built in the patterns people experience every week.
If your managers set clear outcomes, follow up on time, and adapt how they coach, people stop guessing. They start moving. They learn that feedback is part of work, not a special event. They learn that growth is expected and supported.
Policies matter. Toolkits matter. They give structure and language. Your culture becomes real when those words show up in everyday conversations about the work.
A simple checklist for your conversations
- Do I have a weekly ten-minute check-in on the calendar?
- Do I bring a one-page prep when the stakes are high?
- Did I share standards, evidence, and support in plain language?
- Did we agree to a clear next step this week?
- Did I follow up on the support I promised?
- Did I adjust my approach to fit how this person works best?
If you miss a week, start again. Consistency matters more than intensity.
Want help building the habit?
We teach managers how to run these conversations and adjust their approach in real work, not just in theory. Our upcoming Everything DiSC Management session includes your personalized profile, two live half day workshops, and a one to one coaching session to help you apply what you learn. You will leave with an action plan you can use the same week.
If you are ready to make performance conversations part of your culture, join us in September for Everything DiSC Management.
